I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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