i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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