dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
