You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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