I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
