Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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