On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
