oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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