So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
