saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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