There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
