are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
