you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
