Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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