Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
