capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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