Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
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AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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