I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
