You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
