On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
