This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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