Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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