He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
