Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
