im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
