my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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