guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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