it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
