and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
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I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
sick fucks of a feather flock together
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you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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