"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
