Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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