about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
