Why does Corona taste like a burp?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
