YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
