Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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