sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
