nutella sex= disaster
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
