What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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