Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
