I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
