i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
