No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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