once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
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I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
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I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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