I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
