Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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