I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
