also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
