Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The uberlube is also flammable
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
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