I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
