Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
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