you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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