She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
