i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
