i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Still dying that you shit outside
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
