We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
