i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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