he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
