yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
