A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
