I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Randomize
