We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
