You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
