I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
