i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
