You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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