I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Randomize