I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
