Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
