but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
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