just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
